How's everyone doing ?

Hey~~

How's everyone doing ? Those closed ones, I know how you guys are doing.

Those not so closed ones, hope that you're doing good =)

Hi-Bye friends, wanna get closer ? Lol..

Clubbing friends, remember to call me ;)

Bastards ? Strangers that's pissing me off ? Go to hell.


I'm doing fine on the outside. Inner side ? Hmm not so...
Well, lots of things changed since few weeks back. Life changed, habit changed, everything changed completely. A total whole new world for me...again.

Weeks has been kinda hectic for me. Running here n there, having fun here n there. Hardly been at home nowadays, due to some stuffs. I'm just treating my home like a hotel. Came back bath, change, out, back, sleep and out.

Ever felt before that things are just gonna stay this way ? No matter you like it or not, it's just gonna stay like that till a time where you would be a totally different person, not the person that you know yourself in the past. Your perceptions towards things and people would change, the way you judge people would differ, and also, you are more careful towards everything that you do and decide. This is my second time feeling like this, and it's much more different than the first time. People just get more and more mature don't they ?

Some people see me as I'm a very childish person, and some just see me a very matured person and tend to seek advice from me. What for giving people advice when you don't listen to people's advice yourself ? Times like this would just make me shut my mouth. Not to say I'm cruel, but I'm nowhere to judge the situation when I can't handle mine myself.

I know for a fact that I can't get over it no matter what. It's just gonna stay here, like a tattoo, it's gonna stay there no matter you like it or not, even if you tried to wipe it off, you would only get scars. No matter how much people trying to give me advice, pour me with laughters, giggles and stuffs like that, I would still be the same when no one is around me. So, why worry that things gonna be better when you know that it's not gonna be 100% ?


There are things in life where you just have to deal with it. Face the fact. I know I couldn't wake up. I'm still dreaming, hoping, wishing and whatever you can mention. Slap me, punch me, screw me whenever you see I'm not okay. "No fuck, no wake up." I found the quote quite funny yet so true. Sometimes you just have to deal with things that you can't deal it yourself. You know that it's merely possible, yet you still hanging onto it. Once everything's gone, it's like, " Yeah you deserve it, told you not to hang on on the first place".


People always say, you deserve someone better and some say, there is still a whole bunch of jungle out there. What if I tell you, the one I found is the one I could never find it anymore in other places ? Trees are green in color, the one I found is full with colors. Do you find colorful trees outside ? No you don't. It's there once, but not now anymore. It's hard to believe that you found a colorful one at this age. I tried to hold on to it, waters it everyday, keeping it beautiful as always, make sure that it's healthy, even if there were someone out there whose trying to cut down the whole jungle, I would still be there to protect that lil precious tree.


I've learnt alot from this incident of mine. It's something that I would remember for the rest of my life, telling my kids and wife about it. Maybe if there's still hope, I wouldn't need to tell my wife about it. Lines that makes me ponder about. Everything would be kept in words, in minds, in papers, in pictures.


There is one thing I could do to fix myself. That's the last thing I wanna do. And doing that won't do any good to others too. I know people are concerned about me. I know you guys do. Thanks, I appreciate it.